holler

12/14/07
the semester ended yesterday, what a relief. i kicked ass on all four of my finals... in fact, i think i did better on my finals than i did on the majority of my previous tests.

im coming down with something quite unlike what i usually get when the weather turns this cold. although i definitely prefer the slight sinus pressure to the aching throat it replaced, the intense sense of melancholy is all but pleasant.

in reality i cannot blame the afore mentioned melancholy as a result of this baby illness. it would be more accurate to factor in my inability to feel stable or to settle into life as it is in any sort of fashion. i willingly walk into situations that not only have friends and family advised against, but both voices in my head as well.

morning 6 chicago

ah the comforts of home. well, someone else's home.
spent the night with friends paul and eevin last night, who i used to spend a lot of time with when they lived in oceanside. damn i missed their ferrets. oh and them too.
we had a party last night, too. after mingling with a good sampling of what this chicago suburb has to offer, i can conclude... or perhaps theorize... that these people were fed too much corn as babies. its all right though, nice people really. however, all they would drink was miller light, wouldnt touch the gernerous supply of booze we had. OH and i dont remember the last time i was surrounded by so many virgins. MALE virgins. kinda cute, kinda sad.

tonight is the qwel/blak watr/vast aire show! the event of the week! the event of a lifetime! the event about which CenterStage Chicago says, "make sure you don't have anything important to do on Sunday morning." and i am V.I.P. for that shit. cannot freaking wait.

tomorrow is my last day in this fare state of illinois, so i really hope i get to go to the chicago art institute museum tomorrow. and see downtown chicago today. i really havent done enough while ive been here since my friends are lazy asses. luckily paul and eevin understand the importance of showing a girl a good time :)

night 4 chicago

gobble gobble its the american genocide day.
some 400 years ago the land was covered white... and im not talking about snow ;)

on a lighter note, quite the vegetarian feast was consumed this evening. all that was missing was the tofurkey... but in glorious southern tradition there was collared greens, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, baked macaroni and cheese and a homemaaade apple pie. mm mm bitches.

tonight is the sage francis/against me! show... which i would absolutely love to enjoy... alas im too poor for $18 and instead the gang will be lurking outside the door, throwing flyers for saturdays extravaganza in peoples faces. lovely.


read this little tidbit
http://centerstage.net/events/music/detail.cfm?ID=182167

afternoon 3 chicago

snoring still coming from the couch
incredible gloom leaking in through the windows
a slight burning from the back of my eyeballs and a throbbing head.

wheres the weed at?

morning 1 chicago

11/19/07

a bit of vicodin and a squealing, gurgling radiator.
surrounded by the smell that up to this morning i could barely still remember.
quite comforting.

faint snoring on the couch with intermittent snorts.
a gloomy, beautiful, wonderful, chicago day.

on this, my anniversary

happy anniversary to meeeee
ive been at tracker for two years today!
my coworker gave me a pot cookie!

i still remember my first day like it was yesterday... the night before a drunk angry marine broke the left rearview mirror off my car! memories...




i need a raise.

bobby blue calls it stormy monday

They call it stormy Monday
But Tuesday's just as bad
They call it stormy Monday
But Tuesday's just as bad

Wednesday's worse, Lord
And Thursday's, oh, so sad

The eagle flies on Friday
And Saturday, I go out to play
Yes, the eagle flies on Friday
And Saturday, I go out to play

Sunday, I go to church
And I kneel down and pray
And this is what I say, baby

Lord, have mercy
Lord, have mercy on me
You know I cried
Lord, have mercy
Lord, have mercy on me

You know I'm trying
Log on to kill this message.
Trying to find my baby
Won't somebody please
Send her home to me, yeah

Well, I cried
Lord, have mercy
Lord, have mercy on me
I said I cried
Lord, have mercy
Lord, have mercy on me

You know I'm trying
Trying to find my baby
Send her home to me
Whoa, yeah

lady sings the blues

ill bet slamming your head into a brick wall repeatedly is not recommended by any doctors. resulting concussions... internal bleeding... hemorrhages... aneurysms... this may be an exaggeration. maybe not. anywho, what im trying to get at here is that continuing to do something which returns consistently negative results is unhealthy and virtually brainless- essentially denying the human mind of its ability to grow and evolve. yet we keep plugging along, thinking the next time that brick wall comes along it'll magically evaporate and harry potter will be waiting on the other side.

population control?

moving in a week... thank goodness. im just waiting for Mr. Phil the UPS guy to bring me the rug i ordered online. very important you know.

im pretty sure nobody reads this blog, which is quite all right... i just needed a space that wasnt myspace to dump my nonsensical blather onto. with that said, i find it odd that i put as much effort as i do into making my posts more than "today i woke up, took a shit, went to work..." not that what i write probably makes sense to anyone besides myself. i just dont like boring.

this morning i discovered that the 19 year old extremely "slow" cousin of a friend is pregnant and about to pop. about a week ago another girl i know, this one 23 and extremely intelligent, had a baby with a guy who had been her boyfriend for about a month. two or three friends over the summer received new bundles of "joy." havent these people heard of contraception? birth control? abortions for fucks sake? i can never justify bringing a baby into the world to parents who are emotionally AND financially unstable. plus, these chicks are all so young! arent people interesting in living their lives and exploring the world before becoming slaves to maternity?!

well that was fun.

and on sunday we cry

We're more than
overwhelmed
by hundreds of hugs and
a million good words.

We are
satisfied
from monday til friday
and on sunday we cry.

But we like it
from that point of view,
so we stay here and bare until dawn everyday.
And we stay here and bare everyday.

We never ever lie.
From ten in the morning
we are honest til nine.
We are overcute.
We never will manage to be rude only twice.

But we like it from
that point of view.
So we stay here and bare until dawn
everyday. And we stay
here and bare everyday.

and now i know how joan of arc felt

sweetness i was only joking when i said by right you should be bludgeoned in your bed.
and now i know how joan of arc felt
as the flames rose to her roman nose and her walkmen started to melt.

wait... i need to be higher for this...



im tired, its 9 am on a sunday morning. somebody stop playing with that bow and arrow, i have enough holes in my heart. give me a reason to keep playing this game, i have a hard enough time as it is just being a woman.

i keep trying to tell this invisible piece of paper the curious feeling i am experiencing at the moment with little success. only an incomplete thought, of a half dead mind, wishing for some relief at 9:29 on a sunday morning.

oh sweet nothing. she aint got nothing at all.

this love is like a ball and chain

last tuesday i was doing just fine, all things considering. i was excited as all hell to be flying up to San Francisco the next night, but generally speaking, life was trudging along as normal. let me just preface this, my first post in a shiny new blog, by saying that I've been itching to move up to that great city for quite some time now... let's call it a year and a half. san diego is everything it is supposed to be: beautiful, warm pretty much year round, bleached blonde and fake-baked. comfortable. while this may sound pleasant, and perhaps dare i say "ideal" to some, to my nomadic soul the lack of adventure that this coastal community provides is really starting to drag me down.

back to tuesday night... i had a fabulous episode of my radio show, supported by my fabulous cohost for the evening, Chris. it truly was fabulous... we had something like 7 callers (which, by the way, is a record high for Happy Hours at the Speakeasy), an on-air MC battle, and a dozen or so friend requests for the show-space (http://myspace.com/kksmhappyhours). wednesday was glorious. i aced a history midterm, did mediocre on an art history midterm, finished up work, and off to the airport i went. "goodbye san diego, ill miss my bed," i thought to myself.

there is nothing like stepping off a plane and directly into the company of friends you love and miss. it also helps when they have a stinky, stinky bowl waiting for you. a welcoming committee of sorts. straight to the bar for more friends, games of pool i actually played decently, several rounds of drinks.... glorious.

the rest of the week went by entirely too fast. i almost felt as though i wasn't on vacation at all, and instead i actually lived in san francisco. everyday something new to see, someone else to hang out with, a new place to take pictures. every night my neck hurt from craning it skyward all day driving around the city. my legs were sore from hiking to the bustop to catch the 43 to haight and masonic and go shopping with a friend. glorious.

sooner or later tuesday night was bound to come along. i said goodbye to the people who had ditched their obligations for a week to hang out with me. i said goodbye to kitty kitty. the sinking feeling in my stomach set in as i said goodbye to the golden gate bridge as the airplane took off. i was made even more painfully aware of that particular feeling when i walked in through the front door of the house ive lived in for almost a year (a rediculously long time for my comforts) and was overwhelmed by the scent of dog. not so glorious.

now ive come along to the point in my story which has not only prompted me to start this new blog, but has also severely affected my mood for the past three days. as i drive around oceanside, i think about all the things that are familiar to me. the curve mesa drives makes as a wind my way to work, the rhythm of the cars at the four way stop as they take their turn maneuvering down foussat, my frustration in getting up early but missing every light and getting to work late anyways. the irritatingly fresh out of high school gaggle of boys in my photography class that make it impossible to learn anything new.

so now i sit at my desk in my glorified cubicle at work, the same place ive sat monday through friday from eight to four-thirty everyday for the past two years, with the exception of legal holidays, weekends, and brief spurts of vacation. san francisco cant come soon enough.